I call this drink the “Hot Creamy Sea Monster”. You get to watch a marshmallow tentacle-monster sink slowly through a surf of crashing squirt-cream into an ocean of hot chocolate and, in the depths, The Kraken: spiced rum.

I bet the bastard who stole my phone tonight hasn’t got one of these.

If I knew which neighbour posted my keys through my letterbox when I was idiot enough to leave ’em in the door instead of burgling my flat today I’d totally make ’em one.

Whose life is better? Eh? Who is winning?

Bonus: Review of the new S7 Phone coming in a week or two.