DRUNKMAN
========

Not written in standard script-writing
format, instead written in my machine-readable
format that's more helpful for lip-synching.

Characters:
* Shandy
* Drunkman
* Commissioner
* Captain Career


Desc:
  TITLES/TRANSITION FROM TITLES

Desc: 
  Drunk Man and Shandy are in a bar, drinking.

  Through the window the "Drunk Alert" shines
  into the sky.

Shandy:
  Drunk Man! 
  It's the Drunk Alert!
  The city is in trouble.
  They need us!

DrunkMan:
  Quick Shandy! 
  Down in one!

Desc:
  Drunk man finishes his beer quickly. 

DrunkMan:
  Slurp.

Desc:
  Shandy takes a couple of sips. 
  Drunkman goes to stand up.

DrunkMan:
  Come on Shandy, you drink like a mewling kitten.

Shandy:
  Sup. Sup.

DrunkMan:
  To the Drunk-Mobile!

Shandy:
  But Drunk Man, 
  should you be driving?

DrunkMan:
  Oh, good point. 
  I'll get us some Train Drinks...

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO BAR

Desc:
  Drunk man is at the bar. 
  Tapping his foot.

DrunkMan:
  Come on, come on, draft takes so long to pour.
  The city needs us! This is urgent! 
  That's it, now me, now me.
  
Desc:
  Drunk man finally gets served.
  Barman glances at Drunk Man.

DrunkMan:
  Two Mango Daiquiris bar keep.
  Better make it snappy! 
  The city needs us!

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO TRAIN

Desc: 
  Shot of the two of them on a train,
  drinking their drinks.

DrunkMan:
  30 minutes! The infrastructure in this city sucks!

Shandy:
  But Drunkman, we'd have got the earlier train
  if we didn't stop to refill these drinks.

Drunkman:
  That's what I mean! Can you believe 30 minutes
  just to get served? The city should spend less
  on trains and more on bar staff!

Desc:
  * TRANSITION TO EXTERIOR

Desc: 
  Exterior shot of Police Office.
  Drunk Man's train arrives.

Desc:
  * TRANSITION TO INTERIOR

Desc:
  In the police commissioners office

Commissioner:
  Drunk Man!
  Where have you been?

DrunkMan:
  Sorry commissioner, 
  *belch* 
  had to wait for poor Shandy here to finish his drink. 
  I need to talk to you about staffing levels in our city bars...

Commissioner: 
  Never mind that now Drunk Man.
  There's trouble afoot! 
  Captain Career is back!

DrunkMan: 
  That bastard!

Commissioner:
  He's been enslaving our citizens again!

DrunkMan:
  Will he never give up?!

Commissioner: 
  He was last seen in the Banking District.
  Better move quick Drunk Man!

DrunkMan: 
  Never fear commissioner, 
  *Slurp*
  We're on it. 
  Shandy! 
  To the Drunk Mobile!

Shandy:
  But Drunk Man, 
  It's parked at the pub. 

DrunkMan:
  Oh yeah. 
  Right. 

Shandy:
  We'll have to get the bus.

DrunkMan:
  Hummm.
  Better get some cider in for the journey then!

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO BUS

Desc: 
  Shot of Drunk Man and Shandy on the bus. 
  They are drinking cider.

DrunkMan:
  Who would think it could be "Too Early" 
  for an beer shop to be open.

Shandy:
  We found one in the end Drunkman

DrunkMan:
  Twenty minutes away! Honestly, this city
  is going to hell.

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO OFFICE

Desc:
  At the Banking District. 
  Captain Career has workers stuffed into cubicals.
  He's whipping them.
  They're forced to cold-call insurance sales.

CaptainCareer:
  No, you may NOT go to the toilet.

Desc:
  *Whip*

Worker:
  (Whispers) Hey, do you know what?

CaptainCareer:
  Stop talking you two!

Desc:
  *Whip*

Desc:
  Workers look admonished, whipped.

Desc:
  Shandy bursts through the door.

Shandy: 
  Not so fast Captain Career!

CaptainCareer:
  Bwah ha ha ha, 
  You think you can stop me alone little man?

Shandy:
  What?

Desc: 
  Shandy turns around.
  Drunk man isn't there.

Shandy:
  What the? 
  Oh. 
  God Dammit!
  Hang on....

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO BAR

Desc:
  At a bar...

DrunkMan:
  Ah, there you are Shandy. 
  I was just getting a quick drink for the battle. 
  Fancy a Bobby Burns?

Shandy:
  No Drunk Man, we need to...

DrunkMan: 
  Oh.
  In more of a Moscow Mule sort of mood? 
  Very well, good idea Shandy.
  Bar keep! 
  We'll have two Moscow Mules.
  And perhaps a pint of Old Musty Barn for the road.

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO OFFICE

Desc: 
  Back at the cubical farm

Desc: 
  Drunk man and Shandy burst through
  into the office.

DrunkMan:
  Not so fast Captain Career! 
  It's gone noon!
  These workers deserve a pub lunch!

CaptainCareer:
  They'll have no such thing Drunk Man! 
  They'll get sandwiches 
  at their desk 
  and they'll like it!

DrunkMan:
  Not under my watch!

Desc:
  Drunk Man flies through the air,
  kicking towards Captain Career.
  He misses, lands awkwardly, 
  tipping over a cubical.
  Things fall over.
  Drunk Man barely saves his drink.

DrunkMan:
  Oh, sorry there miss... I was just....
  Wow, 
  I nearly spilled my drink!

CaptainCareer:
  Your drunken fighting skills
   are no match for my trained workforce 
  Drunk Man!

DrunkMan:
  Your fiendish plans can never beat 
  the power of booze Captain Career!
  Huh

Desc:
  Drunk Man lunges again.
  This time tripping over his own feet.
  He stumbles drunkenly into a cubical.
  It falls over, knocking another
  which falls in turn.

DrunkMan:
  Huh

CaptainCareer:
  Bwa ha ha ha!
  Ignore this idiot, my minions,
  get on with your work!
  I'll dispatch him shortly.

Desc:
  Captain Career pulls out a gun,
  pointing it at Drunk Man.

CaptainCareer:
  Say "Cheers" Drunk Man,
  I'm calling time 
  on your life.

Desc:
  Captain Career aims.
  He pulls the trigger,
  The bullet flies in bullet time.
  It smashes through Drunk Man's glass!
  The glass shatters!

DrunkMan:
  You spilled my drink!
  You bastard!

CaptainCareer:
  And now I'm going to spill your SOUL!

Desc:
  The bullet flies from Captain Career's gun, 
  slow-motion, it spins through the air 
  straight towards Drunk man.
  Drunk man dives out of the way, 

DrunkMan:
  Ugh

Desc:
  But the bullet hits!
  Smack, right into the chest.
  Red liquid spurts out from his shirt.

Drunk Man:
  Arrgh!

Desc:
  Drunk Man falls, slowly.

CaptainCareer:
  I have you now Drunk Man,
  My workers will slave forever!
  Bwa ha ha ha ha!

DrunkMan:
  Ouch! 
  Oh.
  God.
  That was scary. 
  I think I'm going to....

Desc:
  Drunk Man's arse spills brown liquid.
  Farting noises.

DrunkMan:
  Oh, that last Brandy Chaser went right though me.

Desc:
  The staff all look around, sniffing.

Staff:
  Sniff
  Sniff
  Sniff

Desc: 
  The staff look horrified.

Staff:
  Sniff

Staff:
  Ugh.

Staff2:
  Ugh.

Desc: 
  The staff leave, running quickly, in droves.

CaptainCareer:
  No!
  My Staff!
  Come back, it's just a smell....
  *Sniff*
  Ugh. 
  Oh. 
  Oh God.
  Eugh...
  What is that?

Desc:
  Captain Career runs for the door,
  holding his nose.

CaptainCareer:
  Get out of my way! 
  What the hell IS that?
  Get out of my way!
  Get out of my way!

Desc:
  Career is pushing his staff out of the way.

Desc:
  TRANSITION BACK TO PRONE DRUNKMAN ON FLOOR

Desc:
  Drunk man pulls out his hip-flask.
  He takes a swig, as it leaks red liquid.

Drunk Man:
  Strawberry Liqueur Hip Flask saves the day!

Desc:
  Drunk Man "cheers" with his hip-flask.

DrunkMan:
  What did I tell you Shandy?
  Always carry a hip-flask.

Shandy:
  That and the stink from your pants 
  has saved the day Drunk Man!

DrunkMan:
  What?
  Farting-Noises

Shandy: 
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Drunk Man:
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Narrator:
  And so the day was saved,
  The workers were freed,
  And thanks to the power of 
  Drunk Man!

Desc:
  TRANSITION TO CREDITS