Potential New Script: Drunk Man!

beer-mugBeen a while, stupid RSI.

So I’m a bit blocked on what to do next with the main Tentacle Cartoon, so I thought I’d do something relatively quick and inane and low-fi to try and ease myself into it.

Advice and comments on this script are very very welcome.

Sorry for the unusual script-format. It’s designed to be machine-readable for my make-things-easier computer programs.

Desc: 
  Drunk Man and Shandy are in a bar, drinking.

  Through the window the "Drunk Alert" shines
  into the sky.

Shandy:
  Drunk Man! It's the Drunk Alert!
  The city is in trouble.
  They need us!

DrunkMan:
  Quick Shandy! 
  Down in one!

Desc:
  Drunk man finishes his beer quickly. 
  Shandy takes a couple of sips. 

DrunkMan:
  To the Drunk-Mobile!

Desc: 
  But Drunk Man, 
  should you be driving?

DrunkMan:
  Oh, good point. 
  I'll get us some Train Drinks...

Desc:
  Drunk man is at the bar. 

DrunkMan:
  Two Mango Daiquiris barkeep.
  Better make it snappy! 
  The city needs us!

Desc: 
  Shot of the two of them on a train,
  drinking their drinks.

Desc: 
  At the police commissioners office

Commissioner:
  Drunk Man!
  Where have you been?

DrunkMan:
  Sorry commissioner, 
  *belch* 
  had to wait for poor Shandy here to 
  finish his drink. 
  Then the barkeep was slow making our 
  Train-Daiquiris

Commissioner: 
  Never mind that now Drunk Man.
  There's trouble afoot! 
  Captain Career is back!
  He's been enslaving our citizens again.

DrunkMan: 
  That bastard!
  Will he never give up?!

Commissioner: 
  He was last seen in the Banking District.
  Better move quick Drunk Man!

DrunkMan: 
  Never fear commissioner, 
  *sips drink*
  We're on it. 
  Shandy! 
  To the Drunk Mobile!

Shandy:
  But Drunk Man, 
  It's parked at the pub. 

DrunkMan:
  Oh yeah. Right. 

Shandy:
  Bus?

DrunkMan:
  Better get some cider in for the journey then!

Desc: 
  Shot of Drunk Man and Shandy on the bus. 
  They are drinking cider.

Desc:
  At the Banking District. 
  Captain Career has people chained up in cubicals.
  He's whipping them.
  They're forced to cold-call insurance sales.

CaptainCareer:
 No, you may NOT go to the toilet.

CaptainCareer:
 Stop talking you two!

Desc:
  Shandy bursts through the door.

Shandy: 
  Not so fast Captain Career!

CaptainCareer:
  Bwahhaha, 
  You think you can stop me alone little man?

Shandy:
  What?

Desc: 
  Shandy turns around.
  Drunk man isn't there.

Shandy:
  What the? 
  God Dammit!
  Hang on....

Desc:
  At a bar...

DrunkMan:
  Ah, there you are Shandy. 
  I'm just getting a quick drink for the battle. 
  Fancy a Bobby Burns?

Shandy:
  No Drunk Man, we need to...

DrunkMan: 
  Oh.
  In more of a Moscow Mule sort of mood? 
  Very well, good idea Shandy.
  Barkeep, we'll have two Moscow Mules,
  and perhaps a pint of Old Musty Barn for the road.

Desc: 
  Back at the cubical farm

  Drunkman and Shandy burst through
  into the office.

DrunkMan:
  Not so fast Captain Career! 
  It's gone noon!
  These workers deserve a pub lunch!

CaptainCareer:
  They'll have no such thing! 
  They'll get sandwiches at their desk 
  and they'll like it!

DrunkMan:
  Not under my watch!

Desc:
  Drunk Man flies through the air,
  kicking towards Captain Career.
  He misses, lands awkwardly, 
  tipping over a cubical.
  Things fall over.
  Drunk Man barely saves his drink.

Desc:
  Shandy is calmly walking between the cubes,
  he's slipping a bit of paper onto each desk.

DrunkMan:
  Oh, sorry there miss... I was just. 
  Man, nearly spilled my drink!

Desc:
  Shandy continues his calm and purposeful actions,
  A cubical-farm-worker picks up the note.

CaptainCareer:
  Your drunken fighting skills are no match 
  for my trained workforce Drunk Man!

DrunkMan:
  Your fiendish plans can never beat 
  the power of booze Captain Career!

Desc:
  Drunk Man lunges again.
  This time tripping over his own feet.
  He stumbles drunkenly into a wall.

CaptainCareer:
  Bwahahaha!
  Ignore this idiot, my minions,
  get on with your work!
  I'll dispatch him shortly.

Desc:
  A worker picks up the note.
  We can read it this time.
  It reads:
  "Unionisation meeting, free beer!
   Time - now, 
   location - The local pub."

Desc:
  Captain Career pulls out a gun,
  pointing it at Drunk Man.

CaptainCareer:
  Say "Cheers" Drunk Man,
  I'm calling time on your life.

Desc:
  Captain Career aims.
  He pulls the trigger,
  The bullet flies in bullet time.
  It smashes through Drunk Man's glass!
  The glass shatters!
  The bullet somehow bounced of Drunk Man's chest.

Desc:
  The workers are all filing out of the room.

DrunkMan:
  You spilled my drink!
  You bastard!

CaptainCareer:
  And now I'm going to spill your BRAINS!

Shandy:
  Um. Captain Career?

CaptainCareer:
  What? 
  Yes?

Shandy:
  Your workers are all in the pub.

CaptainCareer:
  What!!?

Shandy:
  They're unionising.
  That'll be the end of your exploitation,
  you monster.

Desc:
  Captain Career looks around, 
  The office is empty.
  He is bemused.

CaptainCareer:
  My Slaves! 
  No! 
  What happened?

DrunkMan:
  My drunken powers have defeated you!

Shandy:
  They're forming a union.

CaptainCareer:
  No! 
  My one weakness!
  Drunk Man!
  How did you do it?

DrunkMan:
  By the power of booze my friend.
  Always carry a hip-flask.

Desc:
  Drunk Man pulls out a hip-flask.
  It's dented by a bullet-mark.
  He takes a sip.

CaptainCareer:
  No!

Narrator:
  And so the day was saved,
  The workers were freed,
  And all by the power of Booze Man!


One thought on “Potential New Script: Drunk Man!

  1. Another version. Ditched the political nonsense and went with shear crude poo-jokes instead.

    ———–

    
    Desc: 
      Drunk Man and Shandy are in a bar, drinking.
    
      Through the window the "Drunk Alert" shines
      into the sky.
    
    Shandy:
      Drunk Man! 
      It's the Drunk Alert!
      The city is in trouble.
      They need us!
    
    DrunkMan:
      Quick Shandy! 
      Down in one!
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man finishes his beer quickly. 
    
    DrunkMan:
      Slurp.
    
    Desc:
      Shandy takes a couple of sips. 
    
    Shandy:
      Sup. Sup.
    
    DrunkMan:
      To the Drunk-Mobile!
    
    Shandy:
      But Drunk Man, 
      should you be driving?
    
    DrunkMan:
      Oh, good point. 
      I'll get us some Train Drinks...
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man is at the bar. 
      Tapping his foot.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Do do do...
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man finally gets served.
      Barman glances at Drunk Man.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Two Mango Daiquiris bar keep.
      Better make it snappy! 
      The city needs us!
    
    Desc:
      Back at the table.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Here you go Shandy.
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man puts Shandy's drink on the table.
      Drunk man downs his own drink
    
    DrunkMan:
      Slurp.
    
    Desc:
      Shandy sips his shandy.
    
    Shandy:
      Sip sip sip 
    
    DrunkMan:
      Come on Shandy!
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man taps his foot.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Oh come ON shandy. 
      Right. I'm having yours too.
      Slurp.
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man finishes the other drink.
    
    Shandy:
      Sip. Sip. Sip.
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man taps his foot some more.
    
    DrunkMan:
      *Sigh*.
      Well, now I've got to get some more!
    
    Desc: 
      Dunk Man back at the bar.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Do do do....
    
    Desc:
      Time passes.
    
    Desc: 
      Shot of the two of them on a train,
      drinking their drinks.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Slurp.
    
    Shandy:
      Sip. Sip.
    
    Desc: 
      Exterior shot of Police Office.
      Drunk Man's train arrives.
      They walk out.
    
    Desc:
      In the police commissioners office
    
    Commissioner:
      Drunk Man!
      Where have you been?
    
    DrunkMan:
      Sorry commissioner, 
      *belch* 
      had to wait for poor Shandy here to 
      finish his drink. 
      Then the bar keep was slow making our 
      second Train-Daiquiris
    
    Commissioner: 
      Never mind that now Drunk Man.
      There's trouble afoot! 
      Captain Career is back!
      He's been enslaving our citizens again!
    
    DrunkMan: 
      That bastard!
      Will he never give up?!
    
    Commissioner: 
      He was last seen in the Banking District.
      Better move quick Drunk Man!
    
    DrunkMan: 
      Never fear commissioner, 
      *Slurp*
      We're on it. 
      Shandy! 
      To the Drunk Mobile!
    
    Shandy:
      But Drunk Man, 
      It's parked at the pub. 
    
    DrunkMan:
      Oh yeah. 
      Right. 
    
    Shandy:
      Bus?
    
    DrunkMan:
      Better get some cider in for the journey then!
    
    Desc: 
      Shot of Drunk Man and Shandy on the bus. 
      They are drinking cider.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Slurp.
    
    Shandy:
      Sip. Sip.
    
    Desc:
      At the Banking District. 
      Captain Career has workers stuffed into cubicals.
      He's whipping them.
      They're forced to cold-call insurance sales.
    
    CaptainCareer:
      No, you may NOT go to the toilet.
    
    Desc:
      *Whip*
    
    Worker:
      (Whispers) Hey, guess what....
    
    CaptainCareer:
      Stop talking you two!
    
    Desc:
      *Whip*
    
    Desc:
      Workers look admonished, whipped.
    
    Desc:
      Shandy bursts through the door.
    
    Shandy: 
      Not so fast Captain Career!
    
    CaptainCareer:
      Bwah ha ha ha, 
      You think you can stop me alone little man?
    
    Shandy:
      What?
    
    Desc: 
      Shandy turns around.
      Drunk man isn't there.
    
    Shandy:
      What the? 
      Oh. 
      God Dammit!
      Hang on....
    
    Desc:
      At a bar...
    
    DrunkMan:
      Ah, there you are Shandy. 
      I was just getting a quick drink for the battle. 
      Fancy a Bobby Burns?
    
    Shandy:
      No Drunk Man, we need to...
    
    DrunkMan: 
      Oh.
      In more of a Moscow Mule sort of mood? 
      Very well, good idea Shandy.
      Bar keep! 
      We'll have two Moscow Mules.
      And perhaps a pint of Old Musty Barn for the road.
    
    Desc: 
      Back at the cubical farm
    
    Desc: 
      Drunk man and Shandy burst through
      into the office.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Not so fast Captain Career! 
      It's gone noon!
      These workers deserve a pub lunch!
    
    CaptainCareer:
      They'll have no such thing Drunk Man! 
      They'll get sandwiches at their desk 
      and they'll like it!
    
    DrunkMan:
      Not under my watch!
    
    Desc:
      Drunk Man flies through the air,
      kicking towards Captain Career.
      He misses, lands awkwardly, 
      tipping over a cubical.
      Things fall over.
      Drunk Man barely saves his drink.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Oh, sorry there miss... I was just....
      Wow, 
      Nearly spilled my drink!
    
    CaptainCareer:
      Your drunken fighting skills 
      are no match for my trained workforce 
      Drunk Man!
    
    DrunkMan:
      Your fiendish plans can never beat 
      the power of booze 
      Captain Career!
    
    Desc:
      Drunk Man lunges again.
      This time tripping over his own feet.
      He stumbles drunkenly into a cubical.
      It falls over, knocking another
      which falls in turn.
    
    CaptainCareer:
      Bwa ha ha ha!
      Ignore this idiot, my minions,
      get on with your work!
      I'll dispatch him shortly.
    
    Desc:
      Captain Career pulls out a gun,
      pointing it at Drunk Man.
    
    CaptainCareer:
      Say "Cheers" Drunk Man,
      I'm calling time on your life.
    
    Desc:
      Captain Career aims.
      He pulls the trigger,
      The bullet flies in bullet time.
      It smashes through Drunk Man's glass!
      The glass shatters!
    
    DrunkMan:
      You spilled my drink!
      You bastard!
    
    CaptainCareer:
      And now I'm going to spill your BRAINS!
    
    Desc:
      The bullet flies from Captain Career's gun, 
      slow-motion, it spins through the air 
      straight towards Drunk man.
      Drunk man dives out of the way, 
    
    DrunkMan:
      Ugh
    
    Desc:
      But the bullet hits!
      Smack, right into the chest.
      Red liquid spurts out from his shirt.
    
    Drunk Man:
      Arrgh!
    
    Desc:
      Drunk Man falls, slowly.
    
    CaptainCareer:
      I have you now Drunk Man,
      My workers will slave forever!
      Bwa ha ha ha!
    
    DrunkMan:
      Ouch! 
      Oh.
      God.
      That was scary. 
      I think I'm going to....
    
    Desc:
      Drunk Man's arse spills brown liquid.
      Farting noises.
    
    DrunkMan:
      Oh, that last Brandy Chaser went right though me.
    
    Desc:
      The staff all look around, sniffing.
    
    Staff:
      Sniff
      Sniff
      Sniff
    
    Desc: 
      The staff look horrified.
    
    Staff:
      Sniff
    
    Staff:
      Ugh.
    
    Staff2:
      Ugh.
    
    Desc: 
      The staff leave, running quickly, in droves.
    
    CaptainCareer:
      No!
      My Staff!
      Come back, it's just a smell....
      Ugh. 
      Oh. 
      Oh God.
      Eugh...
    
    Desc:
      Captain Career runs for the door,
      holding his nose,
    
    CaptainCareer:
      *Nuugh* [Holding nose, revolted]
      Get out of my way! 
      What the hell IS that?
      Get out of my way!
    
    Desc:
      Career is pushing his staff out of the way.
    
    Desc:
      Drunk man pulls out his hip-flask.
      He takes a swig, as it leaks red liquid.
    
    Drunk Man:
      Strawberry Liqueur Hip Flask saves the day!
    
    Desc:
      Drunk Man "cheers" with his hip-flask.
    
    DrunkMan:
      What did I tell you Shandy?
      Always carry a hip-flask.
    
    Shandy:
      That and the stink from your pants saved the day 
      Drunk Man!
    
    DrunkMan:
      Farting-Noises
      What?
    
    Shandy: 
      Ha ha ha ha ha ha
    
    Drunk Man:
      Ha ha ha ha ha ha
    
    Narrator:
      And so the day was saved,
      The workers were freed,
      And all by the power of 
      Booze Man!
    

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